Eternian Phone Book Blues

Did you ever notice that nobody in Eternia has a last name? Unless you count “Man” as a last name, as in “he-MAN” or “mer-MAN” or “beast-MAN”. If that’s the case, I really wish they made a family reunion episode. Somebody has some explaining to do, especially the ancestor responsible for Merman’s family line.

It could be that the ordinary, common people have last names, names like Smith, Baker, Skeletorvictim – you know, names coined after people’s occupations. We don’t ever see those people – we only see the famous ones, and, like all famous people anywhere, all you need is a first name: Cher. Oprah. Leo. Etc. (That last one was a Latin abbreviation, just in case you’re googling imb for Etc. It means et cetera, which is Latin for “and other things.” Unless Etc. as a name catches on. If it does, a public relations agency somewhere in Los Angeles will have to create and cast the person who will bear the name. Etcetera to his or her fans, but Etc (prounounced eht-see, rhymes with Betsy) to friends and family.)

It’s a good lesson in economy. If one word suffices, don’t use two – Strunk & White would be proud. (Of the lesson, not this overworded essay. Not just overloaded with words, overloaded with made-up words like “overworded.”) If, one day, a baby is born with a skull for a face and his parents (naturally) name him Skeletor, then a last name is required. Maybe he’ll be called Skeletor Smith or Skeletor Brewer, depending on how his parents make a living. Meanwhile the purple guy with the havoc staff could introduce himself as Skeletor Eternia-Bane. Not only is it a last name, it’s even hyphenated.