Introduction


It starts with five simple words:

"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL..."

And then it comes. The music builds. Lightning from the sky strikes the man with the upraised sword. Does it hurt him? Just listen to what he says next:

"I HAAAAAVE THE POWER!!!!"

You remember. Electric bolts of pure energy crackle around his muscled body. Hands that can punch through solid steel grip the sword that transformed the bumbling prince into the most powerful man in the universe. You remember the way it felt to grab hold of a plastic sword or a stick or even empty air and say those same words: I have the power.

We all want the power. But the world seems to be short on magic swords these days. Believe me, I've checked. (You think I'd be writing this if I had a magic sword? No way. I'd be out battling shadow beasts and seven-headed monsters, saving nubile red-haired maidens from guys with skulls for faces.)

So what do we do? Well, I suppose you can grow a mustache and build weapons devices and adopt an orphan who grows up to be captain of the guards. But let's face it. Not everyone can grow mustaches. And even if you can, do you really want to? Basically the only people who can have mustaches without looking silly are those who've always had mustaches. (Having a mustache attached to a beard doesn't count, by the way. It's still just a beard. That's a whole other story.) It's something set from the time of adolescence, something you have to choose. Either you're a mustache guy or you're not. Once you've decided, it's locked in. (It works both ways, too. Suddenly you shave off your mustache and bam! You've got a lip coming from nowhere. Scary.)

Okay. You don't have a magic sword, or a mustache, or skill with weapons or space technology in a barbarian sorcery world. You can't be He-Man or Man-At-Arms. I'll assume that, like me, if you can't do any of the above, you also cannot fly, ram into buildings with your head, or transform into a mystical falcon. Is this reason to despair? Will your life be meaningless from now on?

The answer to all of these questions is: NO! You can have the power without the magic sword. No, I don't mean you'll be able to pick up Castle Grayskull and throw it into the air using your bulging muscles. I'm talking about the real power that He-Man wields. His morality.

Fast forward to the end of the show. The battle with Skeletor was fought and won. Old skullface runs off, shaking his hands in the air, vowing eternal revenge. Like we're scared. Next time we'll just beat him again. No matter who he brings along! (By the way, who has a skull instead of a face? How can he even see without eyeballs?) After all that the show should be over, right?

Wrong! Now comes the most important part. The moral.

You've heard the expression, "the moral of the story." No doubt your 11th grade English teacher had you combing all the pages from "Call me Ishmael" to "Finis" so you could explain, in your own words, just what Moby Dick really meant. He-Man would never lead you on such a pointless chase. At the end of every single episode, He-Man (or one of his faithful and heroic friends) tells you plainly and simply what you should know about how to live a good and happy life. That knowledge, my friends, is real power. With it you can master the universe. Stay tuned.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Price of Promises

So here's a problem - how do you go about breaking a promise you made to a dragon?

He-Man and Teila faced this situation. They knowingly and willingly entered into a bargain with a dragon. Why? The dastardly hell-fiend Skeletor sneaked into the palace and turned Man-At-Arms into a statue. The Sorceress didn't know how to turn back Duncan, but she did know someone who did: Granamyr, the most ancient Dragon and the wisest being on all of Eternia. One little problem, though. She can't tell anyone where he lives. She made a promise.

This should have been a big warning to He-Man. Be careful what you promise dragons.

He-Man and girl power heroine Teila manage to find their way to Granamyr. He sees em, makes a few choice remarks about the human race, and agrees to help them. If. If they will promise to cut down the oldest tree in all of Eternia - the oldest living being in all of Eternia - thereby making Granamy the oldest of em all.

Okay. Maybe there's something special about this tree. Maybe He-Man and Teila should do some investigating before they agree to cutting it down. But they were desperate. Desperate people do stupid things.

Making a deal with the devil, it's called. Wanting something so bad that you don't look toward the consequences. Or maybe you do look to the consequences, but you do it anyway. For He-Man and Teila, they were saving Duncan's life. They agreed to banish to the demon dimension of they were to renege on their promise.

Be careful what you promise dragons.

Of course the tree turns out to be a living, conscious being. (Complete with a blue leprechaun guard.) Of course He-Man and Teila cannot bring themselves to cut it down. They won't pay that price, even for Man-At-Arms.

There is a price on human lives, it turns out, even for one such as Man-At-Arms. It's not so much what you'll pay for a life that determines its price - it's what you won't do. The value of Duncan's life would become meaningless if it was purchased with the blood - or sap, in this case - of an innocent.

Luckily for He and Te, Granamyr is impressed with their choice and doesn't send them to dance with the demons. But still. Granamyr had them in his power. He could've banished them forever.

Be careful what you promise dragons.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Son Of Two Worlds

Prince Adam is a son of two worlds.

He is a son of the royal palace, for one. Accustomed to spacious, luxurious bedrooms and gold plated flatware, he is a royal son of Eternia.

He is a son of Grayskull. Dark, forbidding, and powerful, Grayskull has gifted him with secrets and might beyond compare.

He is a son of King Randor, of Eternia. At ease with a spear alongside a space shuttle, Adam is content to befriend dragons and sorcerers one moment and help Man-At-Arms in his futuristic workshop build a shrinking ray the next.

He is a son of Earth. Born of a mother marooned millions of miles away from her home planet, Adam has the blood of a thousand thousand generations of hunters, killers, heroes, thinkers and, ultimately, survivors.

There are times when Adam struggles with his identity. Like all heroes with secret identities, he can never show his whole self to many of the people he loves. He is surrounded by Eternians. Though many of them may look a lot like humans - except for the strangely high proportion of red-heads - they are not. Whatever human differences live inside him, he has only one other person - his mother - to share them with.

Thankfully, Adam does have confidants: the terrific three. Orco is a fellow outcast who understands the plight of the outsider. The Sorceress shares the burden of other worldly power. And Duncan is entangled in the mystery of mustaches.

Who knows? One day, Adam just might need to know about them.

Friday, May 29, 2009

It's Tough To Be A Dragon

One of the things He-Man teaches us again and again is that you can't judge a book by its cover.

Take Dragons, for example. Dragons can fly; they have razor sharp claws that can tear you to ribbons; they have a massive tail that can crush your spine; and, oh yeah, they breathe fire. Very dangerous creatures to be around.

Those are precisely the reasons Skeletor takes control of a clutch of dragon eggs. With Beast-Man's help, he steal the eggs, juices them up with quick growth serum, and sicks them onto the heroic warriors.

Luckily for the good guys Man-At-Arms has developed a stasis ray that immobilizes the dragons.

At this point, the heroes could rest easy. They've defeated the dragons - and dragons are bad, right? I mean, look how dangerous they are. Something so scary and dangerous must be evil. But He-Man doesn't stop there. He doesn't assume the dragons are bad. He wonders why the dragons attacked. Well, who would want to attack Eternia? Old Bone Dome, who just happens to a have an animal control expert on staff.

This leads him to investigate Skeletor. It's a good thing, too. Skeletor has broken through Castle Grayskull's defenses and imprisoned the Sorceress. He-Man and friends, with the dragons as allies (once Beast-Man is stasis-ized) manage to win back the day.

If He-Man and company had simply assumed that the dragons were bad (and not investigated Skeletor, thus learning of his diabolical plot), they might not have arrived in time to save the Sorceress and Grayskull. A Skeletor in control of Grayskull would have meant enslavement and eventual death for every foe of Skeletor.

(By the way, can you really blame the guy for wanting to be in control of Castle Grayskull? Come on! The guy has a skull for a face! It's like the thing was made just for him. Are the good guys taunting him? Couldn't they at least put a beard made of vines on the front of the castle to make it look a little less like the Big Bad Bone?)

Usually we're told not to judge by appearances because of the effects this can have on the person (or creatures) being judged. That's true here, of course - the dragons weren't put down, which I'm sure they appreciate. But more importantly are the effects on the people doing the judging. Looking past the book's cover and reading the pages gave them the information that saved their lives.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Vacation

The moral mastery blog is on vacation until May 29th. Until then, if you run into a difficult situation, just ask yourself: would He-Man do this?

And if you're really desperate - would even Orko do it?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Cleanlines is next to...

Orco doesn't keep a very tidy room. He tries to clean it up with magic and just ends up making it worse. It would just be simpler for him to pick everything up by hand (by floating, arm-less glove, I mean) but he would rather try for the easier way out. Even if it ends in a clutter bomb.

Orco isn't just avoiding the physical activity of cleaning. He's avoiding the mental task. The mental task involves choosing where things are to go, to be sure - but usually things have their pre-arranged place. The harder mental tasks are making choices of priority: what to do first, what the best way is to do it. Engaging in these mental tasks requires you to visualize doing the task; this can be harder than the work itself. It suddenly seems like so much work. Oh, how unpleasant it will be to gather all that dirty laundry. Oh, I hate washing the windows. Oh, my toy box is full - wherever will I find the space? And on and on. He gets caught in a feedback loop.

Some people handle this part easily, because they don't think about it much. Others worry. I think Orco is one of the latter.

So instead he would rather not think about it. He'd rather throw out a magic spell and hope that it takes care of itself. It rarely does.

Orco needs to learn to think about something without worrying about it. This is no easy feat, and he doesn't have any magic shortcut up his sleeve for help with this.

Here's my advice, Orco: write out a plan. Don't let your mind wander over all the unpleasant possiblities. List each general task you need to complete: put stuff away, make your bed, throw garbage out. If you need to, make a more detailed sub-category (put stuff away would involve: 1) putting back priceless Eternian jewels from Queen Marlena's personal collection; 2) giving back to Man-At-Arms his shrinking ray.)

Once you have your plan in place, stop thinking about it, start doing it, and check each item off as you go down the list. Presto! No more worry.

One important point: if you run into trouble (like, say, Man-At-Arms is currently lurking in his labaratory and you'd rather not be seen returning his Shrinking Ray because you didn't exactly ask permission to borrow it) don't start worrying. Simply repeat the above process all over again. Consider your objective, and write down the best plan for achieving it.

Once this becomes habit, Orco may not need to go through the formal process of writing it down. His mind will work toward solutions instead of worry.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Mercy

Skeletor has found himself in He-Man's mercy on more than one occasion. Does He-Man deliver the coup-de-grace? Does he rid Eternia of countless years of terror? No. Like Superman and other do-gooders, He-Man chooses not to "stoop to their level."

He-Man's rationale is a classic golden boy hero creed: the moment I act like them (the villains), I become them. He-Man will always stop short of causing someone's death. Fine. There's a certain symmetry to such a belief.

What's the only alternative for dealing with those who cause death in the first place? Imprisonment, naturally. The only problem is that Skeletor can pretty much disappear at will. Whether he summons a dimensional portal or simply dissolves into thin air, Skeletor always gets away.

Should He-Man adopt a new policy? If Skeletor cannot be contained, does he have an obligation to take Skeletor out once and for all? Should He-Man kill?

No. Not because Skeletor's life should be protected at all costs, or because it's categorically wrong to kill. He-Man shouldn't kill because it's not his job to do so. He's not part of the Eternian military - he's a volunteer. As with all volunteers, you can only expect what you pay for - which is exactly nothing. He-Man has decided to take upon himself the task to "defend the secrets of Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of Skeletor." He's willing to sacrifice his time and risk his life to perform this task; if he wants to make it all the harder on himself by not putting an end to Skeletor once and for all, that's his business.

I think that deep down He-Man believes one day Skeletor will change. That after years of witnessing He-Man's peerless example Skeletor will finally see the error of his ways. Personally, I think He-Man's wrong, but I'm not the one donning furry speedos at the first sign of danger, am I? (My wife certainly hopes not.) He-Man chooses to believe, and he takes responsibility for that belief every time he lifts aloft his magic sword to battle Skeletor. He has earned the right to fight the way he wants.

The only sensible thing to do, as loyal tax-paying Eternian citizens, is to vote for the creation of a specialized cadre of assassins and send them to Snake Mountain. Let He-Man be golden boy; we just want to live in peace.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Laughter

Eternians like to laugh. Whether it's Evil-Lyn's ominous, throaty chuckle or Man-At-Arm's kindly guffaw, laughter abounds in any given episode of He-Man. It's one of the things that unites Hero and Villain. When you look at what precipitates the laughter the similarities begin to vanish. Not completely, however.

Take misfortune. When Skeletor is convinced He-Man is firmly in his grasp and he consequently lets loose his vindictive cackle, he isn't laughing because Beast-Man told a joke. He's laughing because he thinks He-Man is about to be utterly destroyed, and that's just about the most amusing thing Skeletor can contemplate.

Pretty mean, huh? Laughing at someone else's misfortune?

Recall for me the last time one of Orco's magic tricks took a slightly - uh - tangential turn. What happened next? If, for example, Orco was attempting to levitate a clutch of freshly baked Eternian tarts when he suddenly loses control, you can bet that one of them is going to find itself upside down on Man-At-Arm's face, pie juice staining his bristly upper lip.

Shortly following this accident is Adam's great belly laugh - you know, the one where he has to dip his head backward to allow the full volume of mirth to escape from his body.

Man-At-Arm's accident is Adam's entertainment.

Of course the two situations are different. Skeletor wanted He-Man brought to utter ruin, while Adam only happened to think jelly dangling from Duncan's mustache a funny sight. Duncan might be a little annoyed, but he wasn't really harmed. If Duncan ran from the room crying, lamenting that his mustache would never be the same, that his social life was ruined, Adam would stop laughing. Skeletor, in his place, would only cackle all the louder.

Where does the line fall? At the place where harm actually occurs. The Villain laughs at harm; it pleases him or her to see an enemy in pain. Harm is intense, significant and lasting. The Hero laughs at mild misfortune; while it may be annoying and unpleasant at the time, it's effects are mild and temporary. It could happen to us, right? Might as well laugh at it.

These two different responses show laughter to be an amazingly acute moral barometer. "It's not funny!" We say, when we're really hurt. "Stop laughing!" Does the person stop? If they do, that says one thing about the person; if they don't, it says another. When somebody laughs at cruelty to a person or animal we feel a chill. That's a person to watch out for, we think. That's someone I don't trust. We make that judgment on the basis of laughter.

As they laugh, so shall ye know them.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Technology

Trap-Jaw is the Swiss Army knife of the Eternia universe. For every occasion he has an appropriate arm attachment. Need to freeze someone? Trap-Jaw has an attachment for that. Need to blast through a door? There’s an attachment for that, too.

I’ve always wanted to have lots of cool tools, to have something ready for any situation. Gear is good. It gives us a longer reach – for Trap-Jaw, literally so. He is the symbol for the merger of man and machine. We use technology to extend our reach into the world, to give us powers not endowed by nature, and in doing so we become something different.

Something different, yes, but does it make us less human, like Trap-Jaw?

I’ve never believed that. Sure, the more we rely on technology, the more things can go wrong: computer crashes are a constant cheery reminder. An even greater consequence is the psychological impact of relying on things whose workings we don’t understand. It gives some of us a sense of perpetual unease.

Once upon a time we humans felt that way about the natural world. We lived in fear of storms and bear attacks and invented intricate cosmologies explaining their capricious behavior. And although the weather can still be a problem, what with hurricanes and floods and earthquakes, we are much better insulated from them than ever before.

It’s kind of funny, then, that just as technology has drastically reduced the worry of the natural world, it’s given us something new to worry about: itself, which we created. (Which makes you wonder if there is something in the human brain that requires us to be worrying about something all the time.)

Of course, some people understand the technology. Like Man-At-Arms. He doesn’t always get it perfect (like the time he invented the lasso gun; that didn’t work the first time), but he’s confident enough to tinker with a problem until it gets fixed. When he doesn’t understand how something works, he takes the time to figure it out because he believes it can be figured out. Why? Because he’s been able to understand so many other things in the past.

Machines can help us achieve what we want faster and better. When we feel uneasy, let’s take a page out of Man-At-Arms’s book: let’s tinker. (Under competent supervision, of course. Some things blow up when you mess with them. He-Man will be the first to tell you: Safety First!) Understanding how something works goes a long way towards feeling comfortable with it.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Deception - Good and Bad

Evil-Lyn has any number of powerful magics at her disposal, but the one she uses to greatest effect is her power of deception. Specifically, she can transform her appearance into anything from a sweet old lady to a defenseless young maiden. She’s used this trick on more than one occasion to fool a hapless Eternian or even a member of the royal family into divulging secrets or going along with one of her evil schemes (unwittingly, of course). Deception is one of the most powerful tools of the forces of evil. Deception allows evil to take advantage of the unsuspicious before they can put up a defense.

We must remember that the forces of good also use deception, mostly in the service of keeping secrets. The biggest instance, of course, is Prince Adam’s secret identity. (CAUTION: Spoiler Alert. Prince Adam is ACTUALLY He-Man! I know, right? Didn’t see that one coming.) Adam keeps this secret, he says, to protect the well being of those closest to him, like his mother and father, and his friend Teila.

Teila also has a secret. In her case, she’s not in on the secret; it’s being kept from her. What secret? Her true parentage (her mom is the Sorceress) and her true destiny (eventually taking over the job of the Sorceress, which seems to consist in being a dispatcher for He-Man). It is Man-At-Arms, her adoptive father, who keeps this secret. And why? To protect her well-being, of course. Man-At-Arms and the Sorceress want to wait until Teila is “ready” to handle her destiny.

So both Adam and Man-At-Arms are keeping secrets for the same reason: to protect the well being of others. Whether this is the case or not (I for one favor telling the truth in both cases) we can at least see the difference between the forces of good and evil. Evil-Lyn keeps her identity a secret so she can do harm to people and Prince Adam keeps his secret to prevent harm to people.

Clearly, there is a difference. Again, whether it is acceptable to lie to someone for good reasons (i.e. to protect the well-being of someone) and if so, in what cases, is an old debate that has many positions. Plato, writing for Socrates in the Republic, his treatise on the nature of justice, says

Aren’t there times when it [a lie] is useful and so does not merit hatred?
What about when we are dealing with enemies, or with so-called friends who,
because of insanity or ignorance, are attempting to do something bad? Isn’t it a
useful drug for preventing them?
(The Republic, 382c5-10, C.D.C Reeve
Translation, p. 63, c.2004 Hacket publishing company.)


Sometimes we may even lie to help someone experience pleasure, like lying about a surprise party. Parents and other moral educators may find themselves loath to mention such exceptions to merit-less mendacity because the lure to lie may already be so strong that the slightest excuse will be used unwarrantedly by children.

As soon as there are good but hard-to-define exceptions to important rules, plenty of people will line up to exploit those exceptions in cases where they don’t really apply. Imagine a case of aldutery: “Of course I wanted to tell you about the other woman, dear, but I didn’t really want to hurt your feelings. I was only thinking of you.” Boy, I hope the person telling that whopper wasn’t married to Teila. I don’t think she or her mad sword skills would be very forgiving.

So yeah, there’s a difference between Evil-Lyn and Prince Adam when it comes to their acts of deception. Sure, maybe Adam is over-estimating the dangers lurking in wait for the parents of He-Man. Or maybe he’s right about the danger, but wrong about the relative importance to his parents of them knowing their son’s true nature versus their relative safety. It gets complicated.

My advice is this: beware of endangered young maidens and kindly old ladies. They may just be an evil sorceress in disguise.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Beastman: Skeletor's Whipping Boy

Poor Beast-Man. All he wants to do is be somebody important. Every time he tries to impress Skeletor, he usually screws it up. He hates Skeletor, of course, at the same time he loves him; the way a whipped dog loves and hates its master.

Why does he stay with Skeletor? For one thing, his ability to control animals reaches its peak at Snake Mountain, Skeletor’s dark and twisted fortress. To that I say, so what? How many times does He-Man concoct a plan to invade Snake Mountain? How often is Beast-Man going to use his powers at Snake Mountain? It happens, true, but not that often.

Beast-Man has the lowest status out of all Skeletor’s minions. His chief function seems to be that of Skeletor’s Insult Catcher. Apparently Skeletor has a lot of anger and it needs an outlet; that’s Beast-Man’s job.

What else can he do? How can he get out of this destructive relationship? He can start by recognizing his own value: his affinity with animals. Perhaps he could get a job as a shepherd. I’m sure there are lots of flocks of wayward sheep (or whatever grazing, migrating animals they have on Eternia) looking for guidance. Beast-Man could provide that. In fact, with his mind-control abilities, he could be sending signals to many flocks at a single time. In just a little time he could become the biggest shepherd in Eternia.

There are plenty of other lines of work available for him. He could be a zoo keeper. An animal trainer. A pet store proprietor. Kennel master for the royal hounds. Pest control god. The possibilities are many.

Once he recognizes he has real value apart from Skeletor, he needs to make a clean and lasting break. No good will come in trying to maintain some kind of a relationship with Bone Dome. Perhaps one day Skeletor will sincerely repent for his abuse; if that day comes, and Beast-Man feels he’s ready, then a rapproachement is possible. Until then Beast-Man needs to become his own person.

He’ll have moments of doubt and insecurity. He’ll think himself a phony, incapable of surviving without the firm (if painful) guidance of the Cantankerous Calcium Deposit. That is where his new profession will come into play. He can look to his new good work for confirmation of his special abilities and so realize he doesn’t need the incessant put-downs to keep going.

Is it too much to wish for the day when a confident Beast-Man gazes serenely over his furry flock as he leads them to greener pastures? I hope not.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

How To Get Ahead

Evil-Lyn isn’t exactly terrified of Skeletor. She respects the power he has, of course, and keeps a (mostly) civil tongue when he’s around. But you won’t see her whimper and cower like Tri-Clops or Beast-Man when old boneface gets enraged and starts shooting energy bolts from his Havoc Staff.

Maybe it’s because she’s got the same kind of power Skeletor has: sorcery. His is more powerful, of course; otherwise it would be Evil-Lyn who would shake her fists in the air, angry at the universe, for having lost to He-Man at the end of an episode. But Skeletor does rely on her to carry out his plans, and she usually delivers, unlike our favorite orange-colored snarling whipping boy, Beast-Man. Is it too much for her to hope that one day her magical abilities will match and even exceed Skeletor’s? The answer is no; she does hope, and what is more, she actively plans for that day.

Besides sorcery, she successfully mimics another attribute of calcium-head: his withering contempt for his bumbling subordinates. Whether it’s Beast-Man who can’t control his dragons, or Trap-Jaw who fails to attach a tool into his arm socket fast enough, Evil-Lyn is ready and willing to name them idiots, nincompoops, failures, if Skeletor isn’t around to deliver the barbs himself.

Maniacal laughter is another trait that Evil-Lyn is developing. Though not quite as piercing as Skeletor’s ringing, triumphant cackle, Evil-Lyn’s husky chortle fills the hapless listener with an unmistakable sense of dread.

You could say Evil-Lyn carefully follows an old, much revered principle for getting ahead: mimic your superior. Be good at what they’re good at, so that one day, when they’re old and feeble and forgetful, you can secretly steal their Havoc Staff and put them to work for you cleaning out the dungeons. Who will be laughing then?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Something To Prove

Teila has a destiny. We’re told pretty early on that Teila is actually the daughter of the Sorceress. Man-At-Arms found Teila as a baby and decided to raiser her (he was mustache-less at that time. By the time she began to form memories, I’m sure the mustache was firmly in place.) The Sorceress is one of the three most powerful forces on Eternia (the other two being He-Man and, you guessed it, that old calcified cackler, Skeletor). So Teila, presumably, has a lot to look forward to. But she doesn’t know any of this.

Teila takes every opportunity to test herself and go beyond the rules laid down by Man-At-Arms. It’s true that she isn’t a child; she is, after all, the captain of the guards! Man-At-Arms still tries to protect her, though. Maybe it’s because no matter how old she gets, she’s still his daughter and he will always worry about her. Or maybe it’s because Teila takes risks a little too willingly and places herself in unnecessary danger.

Like the time Teila wanted to spend a couple of days in the Darklands. She ended up getting captured by the sorcerer Kor’s soldier creatures. Kor turned out to be a good guy, but it could easily have been the realm of an evil sorcerer.

There are times we want to prove ourselves so badly that we behave rashly. Why is it so important to prove ourselves to others? Because we start out in life without much experience. We learn how to do a lot of things from watching others. They tell us when we’re doing things right and when wrong. So naturally we look to them to validate our abilities.

This isn’t a bad thing. Before we have internalized a skill or ability, it’s important to look to experts so we know whether we’re doing it right. Later on, once we’ve acquired the necessary knowledge and experience, we’ll be able to judge for ourselves.

The mistake Teila made is thinking that Man-At-Arm’s validation just by itself will make her capable or not. This is backwards. It’s our successful abilities which win the validation, and not the other way around. It’s easy to become impatient with ourselves and want to be good at something right away. If we think that the validation of others is the mark of being good at something, that’s what we’ll aim for. But that can result in lying or misrepresenting our actual abilities, just to get a good scorecard.

In the end, the only one who will know whether we’ve succeeded is ourselves. That’s not something we can take a shortcut for.

Keep Cool, Baby

One time Evil-Lyn kidnapped the daughter of a powerful sorcerer and showed the sorcerer a forged video that showed He-Man and Man-At-Arms doing the kidnapping. This made the sorcerer so mad he incarcerated He-Man, just as Evil-Lyn planned; The sorcerer wouldn’t listen to reason because he was so angry.

Kor, the sorcerer, was ordinarily a good guy. He didn’t spend his time hatching plans that would drain the life essences out of people so he could use that essence to destroy stuff. (Like Bone Dome does). But his daughter was kidnapped. He was scared. Kor saw footage showing He-Man taking his daugher. So he reacted.

Quick reactions can save lives. Back when us humans lived close to tigers and snakes quick reactions allowed us to survive and multiply. Nowadays those kinds of situations are pretty uncommon. Sure, a tiger might get you – but usually Beast-Man is behind it.

For situations like that, it pays to think things through.

Suppose you determine Beast-Man is controlling the tiger. Aha – now you have a way to get the tiger off your back: distract Beast-Man. How do you do that? Perhaps you could make him think Skeletor was coming to berate him. Poor Beast-Man. Nothing he does is ever good enough. He’s got a real inferiority complex because of Skeletor’s nitpicking. You can exploit that.

Better yet, you could make him think Skeletor was happy with him. Wouldn’t that knock him down! He’d be so flabbergasted and happy he’d lose all interest in that man-eating tiger. You’d be safe. And maybe you’d have given Beast-Man a little taste of what it's like to have positive self-esteem. Who knows where that could lead to? Perhaps he might escape the tendrils of old bony face once and for all?

Many options become available if we stop to think instead of just reacting.

Kor was so upset he couldn’t think straight. Sure, he saw doctored footage of He-Man and Man-At-Arms stealing his daughter. But they told Kor it was Evil-Lyn and they gave him a good argument for him to at least consider that they may be telling the truth: Evil-Lyn is usually causing trouble; He-Man and Man-At-Arms are usually cleaning up trouble.

But he wouldn’t listen. His mind was too clouded by anger. Disaster almost occurred – the Crismson Scourge got loose and would have burned the world if not for He-Man. (And by the way, did He-Man just pound the Scourge into submission? No. He took the time to think of a better solution: tapping underground water and damping the Crimson Scourge into submission.)

There are times when lightning reactions can do us good. But most of the time it pays to stop and think.

Sorcery and Self-Pity

Orco gets a pretty hard time. On his own planet he is given the appellation “the Great” because of his mighty magical powers. On Eternia he is little more than the court jester. All because the laws of sorcery operate differently on the two different worlds. Specifically, the laws work backwards.

Still, Orco doesn’t mope and complain about it. “Why oh why don’t my powers work as well here on Eternia? Pity me! Pity me!” You don’t hear such things from him. (At least not much.) Although he has several vices (occasional slothfulness and gluttony, to name two), self-pity doesn’t seem to be one of them. Instead he keeps trying to improve his magic, much to Man-At-Arm’s dismay – since Man-At-Arms usually experiences the less ‘expected’ side effects of Orco’s magic. (Given how often Man-At-Arms lectures Orco, I’m not sure this is entirely an accident.)

Sometimes it’s hard not to complain when things don’t go our way, especially when we are trying hard to do something. We want to call life “unfair.” But fairness, as a concept, only applies to thinking beings, like humans and cyclopses (cyclopsi?) and Trallans (Orco’s people). It doesn’t apply to things like disease, hurricanes, or gravity. Unless those things were caused by Skeletor. And believe me, at one time or another, they were caused by Skeletor. Man, he does a lot of unfair things. Just thinking about his bony face screwed up in laughter and gloating makes me so mad! Easy, easy. One battle at a time.

Anyways, things happen that we don’t like. Sitting around complaining about it doesn’t usually make things any better. Making a plan and making an effort often do. It doesn’t always work – just ask Man-At-Arms. But it’s a whole lot better than crying on your bed, feeling sorry for yourself. Okay, crying on your bed in self-pity can be pretty satisfying. But the world will still suck when you finally get up.

Eternian Phone Book Blues

Did you ever notice that nobody in Eternia has a last name? Unless you count “Man” as a last name, as in “he-MAN” or “mer-MAN” or “beast-MAN”. If that’s the case, I really wish they made a family reunion episode. Somebody has some explaining to do, especially the ancestor responsible for Merman’s family line.

It could be that the ordinary, common people have last names, names like Smith, Baker, Skeletorvictim – you know, names coined after people’s occupations. We don’t ever see those people – we only see the famous ones, and, like all famous people anywhere, all you need is a first name: Cher. Oprah. Leo. Etc. (That last one was a Latin abbreviation, just in case you’re googling imb for Etc. It means et cetera, which is Latin for “and other things.” Unless Etc. as a name catches on. If it does, a public relations agency somewhere in Los Angeles will have to create and cast the person who will bear the name. Etcetera to his or her fans, but Etc (prounounced eht-see, rhymes with Betsy) to friends and family.)

It’s a good lesson in economy. If one word suffices, don’t use two – Strunk & White would be proud. (Of the lesson, not this overworded essay. Not just overloaded with words, overloaded with made-up words like “overworded.”) If, one day, a baby is born with a skull for a face and his parents (naturally) name him Skeletor, then a last name is required. Maybe he’ll be called Skeletor Smith or Skeletor Brewer, depending on how his parents make a living. Meanwhile the purple guy with the havoc staff could introduce himself as Skeletor Eternia-Bane. Not only is it a last name, it’s even hyphenated.

The Sword and the Scientist

Not every one has a magic sword. Duncan, also known as (The) Man-At-Arms, the faithful soldier and weapons technician for the king (as well as keeper of He-Man’s secret and adoptive father to Teila) has no magic powers. He has only his courage and his wits.

Let’s review his mental prowess. He once built a robot of He-Man. From scratch. This robot was as strong as He-Man. (He was later subverted by Skeletor and, much later, his skin was turned blue. Don’t ask why.) Now why Man-At-Arms didn’t build an army of these robots is beyond me. But the point is, he could have. He-Man was able to defeat the robot. But how about a hundred of them? Not likely.

Or how about the time he devised a machine capable of transforming rock into fertile soil? Talk about the millions that would bring in, not to mention all the food that it would create. He-Man, for all his brute strength, couldn’t squeeze food from a stone. Duncan can.

Given a choice between He-Man’s magic sword and Duncan’s technical prowess, I’d choose the latter. Heck, with such know-how I could build a magic sword. I could build ten of them! The point is, don’t go moping about wishing you had things you don’t. Try figuring out how to get them. Make a plan. Think. And, while you’re at it, focus on the thing everyone of us has: a brain.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Hedging

Your parents (mostly) want the best for you (probably). So listen to them.

One of the nice things about the moral messages found at the end of each episode is the room for hedging allowed. I mean, not everybody is bound to have good parents, right? Some of them might be downright nasty. Mean even. Some might secretly wear masks with skulls painted on them, when they’re alone and they think nobody is watching. They might plan on taking over the world using talismans like ancient masks of power or astronomical phenomena like white holes. For parents like these, the best thing to do is get away.

That is the magic of the word “mostly.” And “probably.” True, these words can have their own pitfalls – let Skeletor start using them and pretty soon you will “probably” give him the benefit of the doubt because he is “mostly” good inside. We all know what comes from that – enslavement and destruction. And listening to old bony laugh like a maniac. Forever.

Used honestly, however, these hedging words allow some important facts of reality to plant themselves into our minds. Yes, there can be exceptions. Some parents may be bad. Some good parents may be bad some of the time. But that doesn’t mean certain general guidelines don’t hold true. Knowledge is rarely complete. You still have to work with what you have. Unless, of course, you have good reason to believe otherwise.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Man or Superman

He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe, is mostly found in the body of the lazy prince of Eternia named Adam. (Note: He has no last name. Nobody has last names on Eternia. Apparently there aren’t many people living there.) Only when danger intrudes does he become the bristling, buff, blond bombshell He-Man. Which makes one wonder: who is the real person? He-Man? Or Adam?

On the one hand, He-Man is strong and revered by everyone. (Especially Teila, captain of the guards.) He can lift boulders. Bend steel. Shrugg off freeze rays. Whereas Adam is widely believed to be: a) lazy; b) clumsy; c) a coward; and d) always hungry. Which would you choose?

Adam/He-Man provides an answer in the episode entitled, “Prince Adam No More.” He wants to tell everyone that he is actually He-Man so that all the respect He-Man receives is transferred to him. The Sorceress warns him that to reveal his secret identity would bring great danger to his loved ones. (Let’s examine this old superhero prohibition for a moment. Would Adam’s father and mother be any more at danger from Skeletor than they are already? Skeletor has tried to harm the King and Queen on any number of occasions. They are already enemies! I don’t think it would make any difference.) He tries to be strong as Prince Adam (to impress his father) but fails. Scolded by Man-At-Arms, he transforms into He-Man and saves the day.

To protect his family - needlessly, as I believe, but let that pass for the moment – Adam retains his secret identity and must deal with the reputation of Adam he’s created. Is this just an example of being selfless? I don’t think so. The real lesson is that knowing what kind of person you are is more important than what other people think of you. After all, you’re the only person who will always have to live with you. Even if you wave a sword in the air and have your clothes reduced to a harness and hairy underwear, it’s still just you.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Welcome to Moral Mastery

It starts with five simple words:

"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL..."

And then it comes. The music builds. Lightning from the sky strikes the man with the upraised sword. Does it hurt him? Just listen to what he says next:

"I HAAAAAVE THE POWER!!!!"

You remember. Electric bolts of pure energy crackle around his muscled body. Hands that can punch through solid steel grip the sword that transformed the bumbling prince into the most powerful man in the universe. You remember the way it felt to grab hold of a plastic sword or a stick or even empty air and say those same words: I have the power.

We all want the power. But the world seems to be short on magic swords these days. Believe me, I've checked. (You think I'd be writing this if I had a magic sword? No way. I'd be out battling shadow beasts and seven-headed monsters, saving nubile red-haired maidens from guys with skulls for faces.)

So what do we do? Well, I suppose you can grow a mustache and build weapons devices and adopt an orphan who grows up to be captain of the guards. But let's face it. Not everyone can grow mustaches. And even if you can, do you really want to? Basically the only people who can have mustaches without looking silly are those who've always had mustaches. (Having a mustache attached to a beard doesn't count, by the way. It's still just a beard. That's a whole other story.) It's something set from the time of adolescence, something you have to choose. Either you're a mustache guy or you're not. Once you've decided, it's locked in. (It works both ways, too. Suddenly you shave off your mustache and bam! You've got a lip coming from nowhere. Scary.)

Okay. You don't have a magic sword, nor a mustache or skill with weapons or building space technology in a barbarian sorcery world. You can't be He-Man or Man-At-Arms. I'll assume that, like me, if you can't do any of the above, you also cannot fly, ram into buildings with your head, or transform into a mystical falcon. Is this reason to despair? Will your life be meaningless from now on?

The answer to all of these questions is: NO! You can have the power without the magic sword. No, I don't mean you'll be able to pick up Castle Grayskull and throw it into the air using your bulging muscles. I'm talking about the real power that He-Man wields. His morality.

Fast forward to the end of the show. The battle with Skeletor was fought and won. Old skullface runs off, shaking his hands in the air, vowing eternal revenge. Like we're scared. Next time we'll just beat him again. No matter who he brings along! (By the way, who has a skull instead of a face? How can he even see without eyeballs?) After all that the show should be over, right?

Wrong! Now comes the most important part. The moral.

You've heard the expression, "the moral of the story." No doubt your 11th grade English teacher had you combing all the pages from "Call me Ishmael" to "Finis" so you could explain, in your own words, just what Moby Dick really meant. He-Man would never lead you on such a pointless chase. At the end of every single episode, He-Man (or one of his faithful and heroic friends) tells you plainly and simply what you should know about how to live a good and happy life. That knowledge, my friends, is real power. With it you can master the universe. Stay tuned.